a woman ....
...Challenges the notion that 'lady of the house' needs to take care of domestic needs ?
...Wears clothes that she chooses to wear?
...Refuses to be stereotyped to a 'traditional Indian wife/mother' - ever accommodating,ever pleasing and self sacrificial?
...Is disturbed on learning about the ill-treatment met unto other women?
...Condemns religious restrictions imposed only on women?
...Condemns treatment of women as a inferior race?
...Questions the interpretations of religious texts that dictate women to be 'submissive' & 'ever pleasing' ?
Is she being uber feminist? Are these the characteristics of a FCP (female chauvinistic pig) ? Does she needs to be rebuked for acting immature or trying to ape the so called *New Age Woman* ? Are her thoughts very shallow and selfish?
Who is a feminist?
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Per dictionary:
feminist fe-mu-nist:
Of or relating to or advocating equal rights for women
Hello folks! I'm back after a long pause. Pause - not because I was out of topics to blog about, but because I was trying to put together some of my thoughts , bits and pieces from the conversations I had with some of my friends on this topic. ....So, here I go!
Yes, so all you ladies out there reading my blog, do you think you are an extreme feminist?
All you men, what do you think? Do you encourage your daughter,wife,sister,colleague when you catch her reacting this way or chide her for being a FCP?
If you ask me, I don't think any of the points I listed above make one a FCP or a super extreme feminist. I believe, in these changing times, men & women should learn to adapt and cope with the changes around. These are not the same times , when educating a girl child or sending her to an expensive college are considered a waste of money! Times have changed a lot! Many of the modern parents treat their kids equally - boy or girl, doesn't matter.
Given this background, its not surprising to find a woman who is as educated & earning equally (or more) than her husband, more now than back in our parent's time. With her education and the financial independence, the woman of today has come to believe that she is equal, in all respects, to the male. And,what's wrong with that? For example, what is wrong if she expects her husband to share all of the domestic chores with her? Isn't she slogging the same way he does?
Indian men are notorious for their ego levels. I will not say every man has a bloated ego, but yes, some of them do have a superiority feeling and think they are superior to the female population. Leave alone helping with domestic work, this kind of man gets threatened because his wife is "better" than him. Women married to this breed of men, I'm not sure how they survive! (Thankfully, mine doesn't belong to this breed.Amen.)
Being sensitive to each other, showing abundant understanding, being adaptive and some amount of tolerance towards each other, is the key for any new age marriage to survive.
Having said that, I'd now like to throw open this blog for discussions/dissections :) . I'm open to both. I urge my readers to please share your views/opinions on this topic.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Whats wrong if...
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9 comments:
Hmm... I feel in this age, most of the Indian marriages are between equals. Its is very important for the couple to respect each other.Otherwise, both will indulge in their chauvinistic attitudes resulting in marital conflicts! I've seen many men and women who easily let their other half down and talk disrespectfully in front of others, which only make me pity their spouses!
I am lucky I have a protective spouse, not a chauvinistic one.. believe me, there is a difference between the two!
Very apt post in the current day scenario where I feel some of us are struggling in trying to identify our role :)
I feel that respect for each other holds for either sexes - both of us need to respect each other and the space we need in our marriage. And definitely I don't think what you have written makes one a feminist. Fortunately for us, I feel a good number of guys are treating their spouses as equals and helping out their wife wholeheartedly.
I like this explanation - "Being sensitive to each other, showing abundant understanding, being adaptive and some amount of tolerance towards each other, is the key for any new age marriage to survive". Takes some work to get there, but it's totally worth once we get into that state! :)
knottygal, Swetha, thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
Did a guy ever crib for standing in the long queue to pay the bills .. did he say equal rights .. so i will wash the dishes you go and pay the bills ...
Did they crib for dealing with all kinds of people .. in interactions like buying/selling ..
I see it more as sharing of duties ... there would be reasons for sharing the tasks the way they are shared now ..
From a distance when an "educated" woman sees another woman getting a cup of tea for her husband .. her blood starts boiling !! ... my dear they are doing things out of mutual understanding .. no one is dominating the other ...
I think you are taking too narrow a view ... you know to what state these "equal" movement has got my sisters (read it in telugu!) .. they are standing at the cross roads in hot sun and blowing whistles ... thats the achievement of these women who are fighting for equality ... today they smoke and drink in public places .. that is the achievement ..
fight for mutual respect .. fight for equality of mutual feelings .. not for equality in the things to do .. the bodies are made differently to cater to different needs .. if we understand that .. we would understand that the tasks would also be different .. !! ..
@'Anonymous': Thank you for sharing your views. I understand where you are coming from.
However, my post doesn't deal with equal rights, etc - the typical feminist kind of approach.
I was trying to address certain questions that are nagging some of us. If you re-read my post, it recommends mutual understanding, equal sharing of responsibilities for the modern day marriages to survive - which is actually what you also recommend!
I understand that you have not gone the typical feminist way .. but I see a similar undercurrent ..
What I am trying to point at is ..
The whole feminism is based on this "equal sharing of responsibilities" ... why should it be equal sharing of responsibilities .. why can't we think of "apt sharing of responsibilities" .. if that means women doing the daily chores then let it be that way .. and if the same thing means men doing all the daily chores .. that is also fine ...
I guess we are stuck with notion of equal .. lets imagine APT ... i call whatever is appropriate in that particular context as apt.
@Anonymous
This is my first ever comment for blogs. Your comment has pushed me to do so... (+vely thank you)
If men consider both domestic/outside chores are aptly shared both sexes by Indian generations: Why were women always daunted for not bringing coffee on-time on-spot and not men for not bringing some items home on-time and instead were expected to adjust and handle things in fine way. Why were women's thoughts not considered important. To add to these there is a demanding/commanding nature in men that hurts.
I have seen many man who thinks that all these demestic chores are not great/challenging and should be done by women and etc etc (usual men's attitude stuff). I encountered one such person and When I told him that in next birth I wish you will be born like a woman and are pushed to do all these. Do you know what how reacts -- that " I am a sadist - I am wishing him such a bad things" .... does that bring you some bells? If both the works are respected by you men, why are you men reacting like this.
Why do you think most of the women today choose to achieve independence(whatever they did) if they were respected and considered.
Women in current generation has seen that "their mothers/grand-mothers were not treated well and their interests were not considered". They didnt find any opportunity in which they can change men's attitute. They realised that they can control their life/career to get respect.
Talking about women smoking: people(both men/women) choose to do what they want to. In old years men had a problem if women come out of house. Now men have a problem with women smoke. I guess men have the tendency to find fault with what women choose to do. My only point is if people(men/women) dont like behavior of a person they can stay away.
And if I have to get into emotional zone: If men have a problem with women smoking, we women have a problem with how men see us(and many similar things).
I had to write this, to tell you "Please try think and understand what we are trying to express and whats our pain is".
@Anonymous : I know your comment is directed to the previous anonymous' comment.
But,thank you for sharing your views. I understand why you wrote, what you wrote.
@Anonymous2:
You wrote very well and do keep writing. Your expression is humble and appealing.
I totally understand what you are saying, I have myself felt many a times that most men are not treating women well. I empathize with you and women (I don't know how you managed to get a hint that this Anonymous is a man, though it was posted anonymously! :D).
I agree that there is gross misunderstanding of women and the way they are treated. I never contested on that part at all. However, I do suggest you to check it individually, case by case rather than being taken away by the current trend of feminism. This, I am telling because I felt the same for my mother. My mother works a lot, rest of us in the family I would say just laze around. She takes care of everything in the home and she works too! I have the highest regards for her. At times I wondered what was her motivation to work so hard. How is she able to wake up so early and work for all of us. Why does she not complain that we should do it in turns. It just amazes me. Many a times I felt we rest of the family are unjust to her. But then came a surprise when my mother fell ill once, my father did every single thing that mom used to otherwise do .. cook, wash, clean etc. with the same flair and expertise. He could not have learnt it all in a day. In fact thats when I felt and realized, they were actually sharing the responsibilities. Dad would do many things that mom does not and mom does many thing that dad does not. But when need arises they have no hesitation to do the others task. No task is menial nor any task is superior. I could see this very clearly in my home.
My main contention was about equal sharing. Injustice is there.. agreed .. but injustice is not about someone doing domestic chores while the other does not do them. I do not consider that as injustice. Well yes, if you are of the notion that domestic chores are inferior then you obviously get this feeling that women are given these inferior tasks and hence injustice.
For me, and in reality, all tasks are equally important and its only on this assumption that I said tasks should be APPROPRIATELY shared. not necessarily EQUALLY.
Equally would mean, I do cooking for 3 days, you do cooking for 3 days. 1 day we eat out. Appropriately would mean the man is in charge of cooking at home while the woman is in charge of paying bills just because the husband is a good cook and the woman does not mind traveling and standing in queues and paying bills. If both are good cooks, then they might share days too. So, its more about that feeling of Mutual Respect and hence mutual sharing of responsibilities.
Man and Woman are different physically and there are reasons for these structural differences,so if understood properly there is every possibility that the tasks that each one performs (efficiently) might be different. Hence, I don't subscribe to equality (of tasks). The reason why women are bus conductors, traffic police, cricket players are a result of this very stupid notion of equality. I never wish my sisters to get into such tasks. However, there is no compromise at the level of feelings and intellect. Both men and women are same there.
To summarize, my issue was with the direction of the solution the feminist movement proposes, i.e. equality in actions and tasks ... the stress is not in equality of feelings ..
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